Clean

    I never thought I’d say it, but I think I am finally clean. Just like how Taylor Swift said in her song, “Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean.” I have been clean for a long time. I don’t miss you anymore. I don’t need you anymore. My heart doesn’t hurt anymore, at least not from you. You don’t cross my thoughts anymore. Only when I read something I wrote in the past. I never thought I’d ever let go. I thought I would never stop loving you. It doesn’t scare me to think that love went away. It does not matter anymore whether or not if it was real because I have found happiness. A happiness that is much more fulfilling, and doesn’t hurt me. It is not toxic. I have finally found someone that I can rely on. Yes, I fell in love with someone new, and it feels like the first time. The stains that you left are no longer there. He got rid of them, cleaned them. I am no longer cynical or afraid. I never wonder about him going away, or if he’s telling the truth. I never wonder if I am good enough. He tells me that I am through his words and, and more importantly, his actions.
    I used to write constantly about you. You were my inspiration. This will be the last time to be my muse. This is a goodbye. A goodbye to the idealized muse I conjured up, and to the girl who is no longer here. She’s gone. You would never recognize her now because she is not the same person anymore. I don’t love you. I don’t think I ever did. I loved a lie told by you and me. It was never real, and you’re nothing more to me than long forgotten memory.